How I Lost $2500 Because of One Phone Call

After much work and learning, I was about to sell my first rental property at a hefty gain. As a courtesy to my buyer I thought I would water the lawn one last time so that it was a lush green when she took possession the following Monday, you know just cause I’m such a swell guy. I finished watering the front yard, when a business call that I had been waiting for came in and I took it in my car where it was quieter. I was talking with the potential partner on the phone with traffic buzzing by so I pulled around the block where it was even quieter still to concentrate fully. The call went well but lasted longer than I thought and I had to pick up my kids. Off I went floating on cloud 9 thinking about my awesome business call and my awesome pending real estate sale.

I had a great rest of the week and weekend basking in my awesomeness until Sunday night. My agent called to say that the buyer went by the house for one last look before Monday close and found a basement with standing water and a sprinkler running in the front yard. The awesomeness quickly vanished and there was no more floating on cloud nine, just stuff floating in my basement and me floating a huge check for remediation. I ended up spending about $2500 in repairs as well as a week of work and general horribleness. This mistake almost lost me the sale as well.

Avoid This List of Mistakes?

The internet is filled with lists from financial gurus on the 10 things that you need to do to become financially independent or the top 10 things to avoid etc. It is certainly good advice to eliminate debt, save, and invest. It’s also good advice to avoid bad investments and avoid bad financial planners that sell you bad investments or charge you unnecessarily high fees while performing worse than the indices. Many of these lists seem to imply that if you just follow the 10 steps or avoid the 10 mistakes you will be ok. There is a rationale here that succeeding over the long term may be less about masterful winning strokes than it is about avoiding crushing blunders and staying the course. However…

You Will Make Mistakes

We need to also compassionately acknowledge the messy realities of our lives. Despite being an awesome human being, you will make mistakes. Some will be one offs like flooding your basement (hopefully) and others will be recurring mistakes that may require behavioral change. The message I want to share with you is that research has taught us some interesting things about falling off the wagon occasionally on the way to behavioral change. These mistakes do not negate your progress, rather they are for learning.

Recurring Mistakes

If you have been following this site, you know that I have a rough daily plan that I generally follow when I am not thrown off schedule by pursuing some sort of project on my always evolving list of adventures, spending time with friends, or traveling. The regimen generally includes:

• a regular sleep schedule of around 7hr & 8 on weekends if I’m lucky
• exercise 4-6 days per week
• often a low carb breakfast or mini fast
• waking up mindful and then executing on a daily list (because I am goal driven)

I am always iterating on some of this daily plan and performance stuff and have created a consciously designed sort of lifestyle that works well for me.  But there are times where I fall off the wagon of my own design and find myself having not exercised for almost 2 weeks, keeping erratic sleep hours and up until 2am for the 2nd night in a row on a couch playing some game on my phone or click baiting around on youtube and weighing in 5-7 pounds more than I did just 14 days ago.  Why would I do this when I know through experience that it is not what I want. I know that I will feel tired and a bit defeated afterward?  Call it human frailty, call it a funk, or call it a slip… but it happens.

I know that this recent slip of mine is certainly some pretty privileged sort of first world type of slip. However, I still think that the lesson here might apply whether the struggle is trying to sustain change after leaving an unstable situation, saving over spending, holding to a budget, or breaking through to be the best version of you that you aspire toward.  They all require some level of long term discipline and behavioral change.  Slip ups along the way can be viewed destructively as:

 “I am back at square one hence I am a flawed or cursed person. I should just throw in the towel”

 or they can be viewed constructively as:

“I made an error and it is an opportunity for learning.  It is a stepping stone on my path closer to this goal.”

 Addiction and Behavioral Change

On TV you often see a former alcoholic fall off the wagon immediately after his girlfriend leaves him or he loses a job and in that low moment of choice, he grabs a drink and we cut to a scene of him drinking vodka alone straight from the bottle and stumbling around the street with his tie loosened speaking incoherently (I’ve never seen a real drunk person move like that by the way).  The media likes to portray that relapse is always one action away from releasing the monkey on the back of the addict who then goes totally bananas and immediately falls all the way back down that slippery slope to rock bottom like Ron Burgundy in a lighthouse. However the truth of hitting a bump is different.

Current research suggests that relapse is a gradual process that can take weeks or even months.  It involves isolation, turning away from your program, and having thoughts about relapse that often minimize the memory of the bad consequences.  In addition, a body of evidence that is changing the way therapists treat addiction rehabilitation suggests that “falling off the wagon-whether by bakery binge or drug bender-doesn’t mean total defeat. In fact, relapse is the best teacher on the road to recovery.” 

The truth is that relapse is often statistically more likely to happen than not.  However, the subtle change here is to see a lapse as an error as opposed to as a defeat.  Then one can look at the circumstances around the error, analyze it and think about how to handle it differently next time.  This embraces the idea that failure is always possible but allows one to see the bigger and better picture of change that lies beyond it as well.

Between 60 and 90 percent of smokers light up within a year of stopping.  However, there are now more ex-smokers (48 million) than current smokers (46 million) in the United States today.*

Up to 80 percent of alcoholics treated for a drinking problem will hit the bottle again at least once.  However, in the biggest American survey of alcohol use, only one-quarter of the people dependent on alcohol were still drinking heavily the following year.*

This is to say that while lapses are common, they can be used as steps to recovery that lies beyond.

What Do Addiction and Seeking Peak Performance Have in Common?

When I repeat mistakes or fall into patterns of behavior that I had been working to change, I can feel like I am in a worse spot than when I started because now I also feel beaten. However, like breaking addictive behaviors, I don’t spiral or go back to square one. I have a choice. I can continue on this path turning away from my program and minimizing the bad effects of my error. Alternatively, I can choose to view it with a growth mindset examining the circumstances around the error and choosing to see the greater resolve that this slip has given me on my path to eventual success.

Final Thoughts

Mistakes happen, some are one offs and some are patterns that may require behavioral change. If information alone changed behavior, there would be no smokers left in the USA.  The word is out!  If you find that you have again blown your budget severely or spent with abandon relapsing into greater debt than a few months ago, this could be a step on your road to success.  If we learn from our mistakes, analyze the conditions around the error, and re-commit to our mission with greater purpose than before we simply will get there.  You will get there.  I wish you strength on the journey and now I’m off to buy timers for all of my sprinklers.

What do you think about handling recurring mistakes? Share your thoughts or story in the comments.