Kill The Masters

There’s an old Buddhist saying that says “If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him.”  Does that mean despite their often peaceful appearance, Buddhists are violent maniacs?  Whew, I hope not.  Does it mean that anyone that professes to be so enlightened as to be the Buddha is lying so you should crucify the teacher?  Nope again (sorry internet trolls and those who are more woke than thou).  The point of this quote is deeper.  In order to truly see the Buddha, you would have to fully understand Buddha.  Once you fully understand the Buddha, you can let him go or kill the idol of the Buddha in your own mind.  Only then can you move beyond the symbols and the crutch that is preventing you from realizing your identity and progressing toward enlightenment (or your own version of what that means).

“Don’t Follow Leaders and Watch Your Parking Meters”

-Bob Dylan

Recently a friend of mine who reads this site shared something he thought “my fans” would enjoy.  When he said the word “fans” I cringed inside.  I don’t think of myself as having any fans.  Do you have fans?  Did he mean fan like I am a fan of pizza because more often than not it tastes pretty good?  Or did he mean fan like a teenage girl fan of that k-pop band and she keeps the rag that the lead singer wiped his face with and threw into the crowd in a jar so the smell doesn’t fade and she can open the jar up on special occasions for a whiff?

I think being a fan of someone’s work makes sense if the work provides value to you.  Heck I would take that compliment and maybe even stammer an awkward thank you.  Taking in many ideas and synthesizing them is how I myself grow.  However, when being a fan becomes adopting someone else’s ideas wholesale or idolizing a person or group of people then that feels like an impediment to growth or worse.  After all, you don’t want to end up drinking that Jonestown Kool-Aid.  

Are All Idols False Ones?

“There is an innocence in admiration; it is found in those to whom it has never yet occurred that they, too, might be admired some day”

Frederick Nietzsche

This sounds harsh but that dude didn’t suffer fools.  I would offer that our differences in intelligence, aptitude, or character, among most functioning adults can be more than compensated for by work ethic and discipline applied over time.  Hence we should not appropriately idolize others.  Einstein was a genius physicist but something of a lousy father.  Many pro athletes seem confident and unstoppable on the field.  However, many of those same people have huge deficiencies.  I for one am great at weird trivia and riddles but suck with geography and names.    

Often a great strength in one area means that something else was neglected to make the room. Moreover, it is common leadership advice that a strength overused itself becomes a weakness. To come back to my friend’s mention of “fans”, I seek to write useful and insightful stuff on this site. However, I hope that you disagree with at least 5-15% of it. Disagreement shows that we are synthesizing for ourselves. If in fact you do disagree, I would appreciate the occasional comment or email because often disagreement is opportunity for growth or a new perspective.

When To Follow Leaders

I spent most of my career in a leadership role and I am currently a part time University professor as a sort of post FI lifestyle prototyping effort. From these experiences, I deeply understand the value and role of leaders. If you are coming into something like effective personal finance or starting a business, for example, and you lack models entirely from which to draw from, then a leader can be essential.

Reading and listening to others can provide inspiration, share tools that you may also be able to benefit from, and sometimes give you a much needed kick in the pants to spur action or spur change if you are caught in a rut.  There is much to be gained from finding those who are good at what you would like to be good at and learning from them.  However, sometimes vicarious wisdom can itself become its own rut. 

Getting What You Need

As the Rolling Stones pointed out, “You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need.” There is a difference between what I want and what I need. I may want to read endless blog posts or sit through another motivational seminar on the power within, because it feels good and inspiring. However what I may need is to take action, synthesize my own beliefs, and plan. I may need to commit to that plan taking baby steps toward iterative success every day. If I already have the model, the tools, and more than a couple of kicks in the pants to spur me out of the rut, then consuming more of this stuff becomes the equivalent of a quick fix.

I met a guy who proudly told me that he has been attending an annual seminar with a nationally known life coach guru for the last decade.  He claims it is life changing.  It costs $5K with all the up sells to attend for that week each year.  I have no doubt that he comes out of each seminar feeling powerful and optimistic.  I also question if that seminar is giving him the tools to sustain his own drive after he has paid $50,000 over 10 years.  What would you say if I told you that my architect is amazing?  I’ve been working with him on this 3 bedroom ranch house for the last 20 years and he is just the best.

When Does Self Help Become A Misnomer

I was recently at a bookstore to get a last minute gift for a friend and saw that “self help” may be rebranding:

The “self help” industry pulls in over 11 billion dollars per year in the USA (1). In fact motivational speakers alone pull in over 1 billion of those dollars every year. While some of these speakers are surely better than others, I can guarantee something. As that guy stands up there talking about success, money, and happiness, the person deriving the most of all three out of the experience is that guy on the stage. I don’t mean to sound too harsh on these events but I will offer that most of them are heavy on motivation and empowerment but light on any effectiveness data or scientifically proven results. At minimum, it presents a conflict of interest when the very industry charged with bringing you contentment and happiness profits off of unhappiness and discontent.

The term self help is perhaps a misnomer. As George Carlin once pointed out “If you’re looking for self-help, why would you read a book written by somebody else? That’s not self-help. That’s help! There’s no such a thing as self-help. If you did it yourself, you didn’t need help.” Jokes aside, part of the truth that I think Carlin is speaking is that I can get help along the way but ultimately, I need to be the one that helps myself. Any licensed therapist knows well that they don’t save anyone, they facilitate you to help yourself. This makes the change real and without dependency. If you are looking for how someone else can help your happiness bottom line, this whole way of thinking feels a little misguided.

Back to Buddha and Nietzsche.

“No one can construct for you the bridge upon which precisely you must cross the stream of life, no one but you yourself alone.”

Frederick Nietzsche

Taken in a different way, Nietzsche’s words can be seen as empowering. In today’s terms I might say, we can’t google how to live our best life or how to be happy. The change must come from within. Change may be hard and slow with slips along the way. However, incremental change does lead to a change in trajectory.

Self help does have a purpose and I have benefitted from it at times in my life. I can see what has worked for others and try out some tools that might work for me as well.  I can also get some inspiration and a kick in the pants to spur action.  However, there is a point at which self help sources start to offer vastly diminished returns or worse, become a crutch.  Ultimately I have to synthesize, help my self, and own my life.  Just like the Buddha on the road, this is the only way to see the master, understand the master, and then let the master go.  

What do you think?  Do you have a perspective on self help and how you have successfully incorporated it in your life?  Are you an angry motivational speaker or self help guru who feels I got it wrong?  Be heard and feel free to join the discussion in the comments.