The Truth About Confidence and Positivity

In the late 1800’s there emerged an idea called the law of attraction.  The idea was that there are energies in the world that attract each other.  Positive or negative beliefs actually and literally would bring positive and negative things into your life.  Not just that positive thinking helps confidence which helps performance and motivation in working toward your goals, but rather that there is a physical pull of like energies in your life that physically attracts money for example or on the flip side physically attracts cancer or poverty for example if you think negative and destructive thoughts.  

Pseudoscience and Positivity as a Wish Granting Genie

Proponents of the law of attraction would talk about “vibrating high” with certain energies and recite affirmations such as, “I am ready to receive a large sum of money in a fun and positive way.”  This would in turn attract money with a strong pull of energies, vibrating frequencies, and so on.  Spiritualism, Mesmerism, and a belief in the occult were all very en vogue at the time.  After all, the lightbulb and radio were invented in this same decade.  Electricity and waves vibrating at frequencies seemed to be blowing open new possibilities in the late 1800s.  Of course scientists were quick to point out that the “law of attraction” was not a law at all but simply a belief.  The terms law, energy, vibration, and even attraction all have definitions and associated equations that were being entirely misused for the purposes of adding pseudoscientific weight to this idea.

This was the 1800’s but we have of course evolved from such silliness by now….right?

In 2006 a book came out called “The Secret.”  It is a re-introduction of the law of attraction and all of the magical power it has had through the ages.  The Secret has sold over 30 million copies and the associated film still streams on Netflix today.  Just last month I read a blogpost featured by a personal finance newsletter that touted the law of attraction as a proven way to “attract abundance.”  

I Am Not Your Guru (But I Am)

In this same week one of my very closest friends recommended a Tony Robbins podcast and I gave it a listen.  In the talk, Tony mentioned the six basic human needs that drive all human behavior.  He explained that if your top two are your spouse’s bottom two then you are really in trouble.  Robbins went on to explain that his top two are love and contribution while his ex-wife’s top two were certainty and significance.  He then proceeded to tell a volunteer from the audience what’s going on in her marriage after a couple of questions.  Amazing!  Seemingly confidence and common sense, are more important than actually speaking to both members of the couple for any length of time or being a licensed mental health professional or therapist of any sort.  

Tony Robbins and The 6 Basic Needs Framework

I googled these six human needs and the few that Tony had mentioned.  I found many articles sharing this 6 needs framework but I was wondering where these 6 needs came from?  What research did Tony base his conclusions on?  How were these chosen and how many initial needs were considered and tested?  After an exhaustive search I finally got to the source and found that it is Tony Robbins himself.  He claims that from traveling the world and talking to people he has determined that these are the six human needs under which people can be categorized and decisions can be made based on this framework complete with diagrams.  However, he has done absolutely no formal research or testing.  Is it possible that for all of his strengths as a very exciting speaker the poster man of confidence today, Tony may suffer from hubris and possibly risk straying into arrogance occasionally? 

Why So Negative?

So why am I bashing the law of attraction and Tony Robbins?  Why am I being so negative in an article about positivity and does this mean that I am going to get cancer and/or just need to attend a $5,000 Tony Robbin’s seminar to “Unleash The Power Within” (copyright Tony Robbins)?  What I’d like to offer is that confidence and motivation are extremely powerful tools that have an unfortunate association.  I have shared in the past how meditation and mindfulness actually have some compelling and evidence based benefits but meditation is unfortunately often associated with stuff like burning incense and swinging crystals around while talking about auras, and energies.  Similarly, positivity and confidence have been extremely powerful in my life with many evidence based benefits even if they are often the territory of pseudoscientific self help ideologies and motivational speakers. 

The Truth About Tony Robbins

You see after these two dubious experiences I decided to write this piece and something unexpected happened.  I googled Tony Robbins and his background.  I found out that he was 17 when he started doing promotional work for a motivational speaker named Jim Rohn who became Tony’s Mentor.  Jim Rohn was a college dropout who himself was mentored by a motivational speaker and nutritional supplement seller named John Earl Shoaf.  Shoaf, had been a department store worker but got into motivational speaking and was mentored by a guy named JB Jones who sold nutritional supplements and gave lectures in the 1950’s on how anyone who applied the “laws of success” could be, do and have anything they wanted.  

A Long Line of Motivational Speakers

These ideas are not new I thought smugly.  Tony Robbins sold millions of motivational tapes and books about success when he began as just a teenager who had not had any success except for hawking books and tapes.  This whole lineage of speakers were salesmen who mostly had no more than a highschool education.  They each made fortunes off of motivational speaking and selling the promise of success.  

I sat down to write an article about the limitations of confidence but the article wasn’t really working.  Then it hit me.  The only real skills that Tony Robbins or any of his line of mentors seemed to have in the beginning was confidence and positivity and this alone was enough to make them all wealthy and successful.  If this is not the greatest proof for the power of confidence and motivation then I don’t know what is.  Tony Robbins has advised presidents, billionaires and CEOs.

The Resilience of Positivity

I picture Tony Robbins over the years being met with detractors who said stuff like Tony Robbins’ only success is as a speaker.  So Tony smiled his big picket fence grin and then leveraged relationships through his coaching clients to invest in some deals along side them.  Now I have some other success Tony said and then he labelled himself “the nation’s #1 life and business strategist.”  You don’t even have actual business experience said his detractors.  So Tony opened up a business training motivational speakers, he started a publishing company to distribute motivational material, started a resort and spa and slowly built a business empire gaining experience along the way.  I imagine his detractors then said he still exploits those in need of confidence all for personal gain.  To this Tony probably smiled and felt sorry for all the negativity in that person’s heart while Robbins donated over 500 million meals in the last 5 years to those in need through his charitable giving. 

Wow thanks for all the ideas Tony might say to his detractors from his private island in Fiji as he prepares for another multi-million dollar speaking event where he gets to do something that he absolutely loves and is great at.  Meanwhile his detractors waste energy in negativity.  Love him or hate him, you can’t ignore the power of positivity and confidence.   

Authority on Confidence and Positive Thinking

Do you want to be attractive, rich, successful, and revered?  You have limitless potential and possibility.  The only thing holding you back is deciding that you want to commit to being a winner and accepting all of the beautiful gifts that the universe is waiting to give you if you will just embrace them.  I can show you how.  How does that sound?  Pretty great right?  Perhaps it is exactly what you would like to hear.  This is why confidence is such an easy sell.  I suppose in some ways it never gets old even if the speaker may not be perfect.

In an Inc article, Tony Robbins himself said, “When everybody’s unsure what to do, and there’s somebody who f*%king knows, everyone pays attention…Someone who has certainty, even if they’re wrong, will lead other people.”

Regardless of its validity, the longer an idea is around, the more it is repeated, and the more gravitas it has.  Today the law of attraction has been written about in dozens of books.  It has been around for over a hundred years which to some means that it is age old wisdom now.  While much of the law of attraction may be total BS, the basic metaphor is really effective.  Believing that your thoughts are powerful and can change your life is true. 

When Confidence Goes Too Far

In preparing for this article, I watched another clip where Tony Robbins asked a man and a woman from his audience one question each and then proceeded to tell each why they were single.  This had me thinking about the limitations of positivity and confidence.  

Not to pick on one man too much, I have certainly made the mistake of hubris in my life as well.  Confidence goes too far when one tries to replace or even refute actual expertise with mere confidence.  While positivity and confidence may make one a leader, surrounding one’s self with a team of talent and listening to them is critical to growth and success.  If overconfidence strays into arrogance, valuable input is ignored and judgement can be impaired.  

We have all seen arrogant leaders struggle to motivate a team and get broad participation from top performers.  Over time, the emperor then has no clothes.  In my experience the best way to prevent this to encourage open communication, seek feedback, and really listen to it. 

When Confidence Does Not Go Far Enough

I would offer that most of us could benefit from being more positive and confident.  More often sophisticated professionals focus on work ethic and skills development to get results.  The topics of positivity and confidence have a legacy of being viewed as something that is pedaled to salesmen and real estate brokers in an airport Sheraton conference room by a guy that may or may not live in a van down by the river.  However, there is good evidence to support that those with expertise may be selling themselves short on confidence. 

In a prior article about what I learned from teaching, I made a lighthearted diagram to show that early in my career I actually had way more confidence than later in my career when I had even more expertise.  Subsequently I learned of something called the Dunning Krueger Effect based on some research out of Cornell.

In a nutshell, this work describes a cognitive bias that those that are most incompetent have the most confidence in their ability while those with more expertise may be too humble.  Something roughly like this:

This suggests that someone who is a total dilettante may be recklessly confident.  However, those with more knowledge may do well to cultivate confidence to give their expertise a voice.

Positivity and Confidence, Science vs Pseudoscience

Confidence and positivity are powerful tools that many of us under utilize.  When you see the success that some have achieved from positivity and confidence alone, imagine how impactful it is when paired with your actual expertise and work ethic.  Too often, the topics of confidence and positivity are associated with self help gurus or pseudoscience.  I believe there are better sources.  

In part two of this article, I distill hundreds of research studies linking positivity and confidence to career success, better performance, better health, increased longevity, reduced stress, and increased resilience to trauma. I also share research derived ways to gauge your own level of positivity, increase positivity in your life, and cultivate optimism.

How Has positivity and confidence changed your life? Feel free to chime in with a comment or question below. 

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